Tired of Conflict? Here’s What You Can Do Right Now

I am an optimist. I have worked with thousands of people all over the world, from the United States, to Canada, Russia, India and Singapore.

I have witnessed personal and organizational transformation that happens fairly quickly – in one-on-one coaching, training in organizations and public training.

Yes, sometimes that isn’t sustained.

Why? We fall back into old habits and conversations and there wasn’t a structure or system in place to support the changes.

But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. That the world, your country, your community, your democracy, your politics can’t change NOW. Starting with you.

What do you see in the United States, in the world right now?

Conflict?

War?

Us versus Them?

Maybe you think you can’t do anything about any of that, so you go on about your business. After a few more paragraphs, you will see something you can do right now.

Matthew Robison in “Are People Naturally Inclined to Cooperate or Be Selfish?” said he was pessimistic.

He espoused that human nature doesn’t change.

·      That all civilizations eventually collapse.

·      That we do atrocious things so that we can have what we want.

·      That we look the other way so that we can have what we want.

·      That we can rationalize our behavior as it suits us so we can have our way.

Science doesn’t have a clear answer to whether humans are naturally inclined to cooperate or to be selfish.¹ 

I actually believe that our essential nature is that of cooperation. We see over and over in emergencies that people quickly move in to help, putting themselves at risk in the process.

I am not willing to succumb to pessimism. This civilization doesn’t have to collapse.

I believe in the human spirit of love and service I see all the time.

We can resolve to nurture that and not give in to convenience and habits.

Here is something that you can do right now to begin to bring about the country we truly want to live in:

Change your language. What we talk about and the words we use are habits that either keep things in place or lead to transformation.

I keep track of words and phrases we use that have to do with war, violence, conflict and division.

We can eliminate those words. Without words for violence, it will have to diminish. There are cultures where there is no word for poverty and there is no poverty.

You will begin to notice how ubiquitous the language of war, violence and conflict is. We swim in it. Our use of those words also causes us to experience feelings that are evoked by them.

Every time we use the word “fighting” with regard to political discussions, we bring more fighting into politics and democracy – with images, feelings and repetition.

Resolve to focus on and speak only language that supports what you truly desire.

When you notice a thought that is violent-like or you speak a word that is conflict-related, you will notice more-than-likely that a more “cooperative” word will almost immediately appear.

Ones that align with your resolve will usually appear quickly. That’s my experience.

For some reason I have a mixed-up relationship with orange and green. Sometimes I see orange and the word green comes to me. I recognize that and then it comes to me that it’s actually orange.

That’s how it works: Relax your attention from the thought that is out of alignment and another one will come.

Here are some of the words and phrases related to violence, war, conflict and division I have accumulated.

You might also notice the absurdity of the use of these words in many circumstances.

·      Weapon of choice – referring to an artist’s use of crayons

·      Fight for peace

·      Target market

·      Well-known speaker said: “Fight for your own joy”

·      On a commercial, an app was being offered to:

o   Conquer reports

o   Conquer essays

o   Conquer thank you notes

·      How can we fight back (referencing climate change)

·      On a walking path: “Keep right - Give warning when passing”

·      World beyond wars

·      Fight racism

·      Uphill battle

·      Golf – “This player fought back.”

·      Headline in Pressenza.com online newsletter: “How People Are Fighting the World’s Reliance on the War Economy”

·      His point is right on target

·      Battle for party nomination

·      Combatting climate change

·      “It’s become a weapon for him.” - golf announcers talking about a player’s technique

·      Key battleground state

·      Fight harder for civil rights

·      We’re battling nature – talking about bird strikes and airplanes

·      Battle for air space

·      The roof is the home’s main defense against the elements

·      Dueling plans

·      Harris vs. Trump – like a fight, a lawsuit

·      In the crosshairs

·      Trust is your secret weapon

·      God is on our side

·      Use a pain killer to fight xyz

·      Used up ammunition in the past (meaning ideas)

·      Both sides of the aisle

·      The other side (politics)

·      Will democracy win

·      Battling for gun safety

·      Gun violence prevention

·      Capture that

·      Tackle the problem

·      “Like a gunslinger walking down the corral” – talking about a golfer in a tournament

·      The battle over democracy

·      Ongoing fight for gun reform

·      America is worth fighting for

·      Fight for our rights

·      Get on the ground and fight for freedom

·      Fight PTSD

·      Inflation fight

·      Digital divide

·      On the frontlines – referring to election officials

A peaceful world begins with you. And me. Resolving right now to live – write and speak – which at the same time evokes corresponding feelings – aligned with the world we want to see.

By Peggy O'Neal

¹ “Are People Naturally Inclined to Cooperate or Be Selfish?” by Matthew Robison